If You Only Had a Brain

They've been running a "Wizard of Oz" marathon on TBS lately... if you've never watched it, please do yourself a pop culture favor and indulge at least once in your lifetime.  This is a milestone movie, as well as a classic that everyone should be familiar with. I was getting lost down the yellow brick road this weekend, singing along to the songs and rattling off quotes from the Cowardly Lion (yes, I know... I'm that cool), when I stopped at one point and paid close attention to some of the lines in the movie.  One that struck my fancy was this:

"Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma." --The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz
 
I started thinking about many of the college students I'm surrounded by.  I'm not talking about my roommates or my close friends (definitely not you, my dear Leah... I rather "like" you).  I'm talking about those most precious gems of all the college kids... the ones who use "like" as every third word in a sentence or feel the need to use ridiculous college slang (no, not even classy enough to be called slang... really just a massacre of the English language).  Here are some examples:
 
1:
right [rahyt] adjective, noun, verb : 1) in accordance with what is good, proper, or just; 2) correct in judgment, opinion, or action.  
   Okay-- this is a generalization, but I'm prepared to take the criticism for it: College students are alarmingly oblivious to the actual meaning of the word "right" and its proper use.  They use it to express their agreement with some previous statement.  You may be thinking-- I do that all the time.  Don't fret.  I, too, use "right" to show that I agree with someone.  However, it's a recent college phenomenon to use "right" as a question to agree with someone, rather than as a statement.  Like this:  

   Courtney: "Those Ugg boots are amazing."
   Haley: "Right?"
   Lanie: (shakes head in disapproval)
 
2:
legit [luh-jit] informal, adjective : 1) legitimate; 2) (of a singing voice) trained in classical or operatic tradition.  
   College students also use the word "legit" to describe something wonderful or fantastic.  Do they know that "legit" comes from the word "legitimate?"  

legitimate [li-jit-uh-mit] adjective, verb, noun : 1) in accordance with established rules, principles, or standards; 2) born in wedlock; 3) of the normal or regular type or kind.

   Courtney: "That song is legit."
   Haley: "Right?"
   Lanie: (counts to ten, silently, and looks at ceiling)  

 
Okay, I only listed 2 examples (pulled from a treasure trove of countless college student-isms).  To be honest, most of the other examples were a little "raw" to be posted on my blog.  The point is this: just because you plan on being issued a diploma in the next few years doesn't mean that you deserve it. 

My plea to all college students:

Grow up and act like an adult (because you are an adult, though perhaps Mommy and Daddy can't bear to cut the umbilical cord).  Gain some independence.  Develop a logically-thinking brain.  Read a book (not Us Weekly or People magazine).  Watch the news (not Keeping Up With the Kardashians or Jersey Shore)... find out what's going on outside of your apartment complex.  Use the English language as it was meant to be used, and attempt to refrain from tainting grown-up conversations with your childish slang.  If you're not going to get a job, then volunteer your time somewhere.  It'll be a good segue into the adult life that you'll soon find yourself drowning in.  In short, attempt to prove that you've earned your diploma.  PLEASE don't enter the "real world" armed with as little intelligence as the Scarecrow had.  If you only had a brain...

 There.  Rant complete.