Don't Look Back

It’s funny how we remember certain things that people say. It could be days, weeks, years, or even decades later, but sometimes people say things you never forget. It can be good or bad (and unfortunately it’s hard to forget the bad things), but either way it’s likely that something someone once said will stick with you forever.

For example, when I was about 5 or 6, I was eating lunch with my sister and some cousins at my [very German] grandma’s house. Someone there didn’t like onions (I honestly don’t remember who), and my grandma told him that “you should eat your onions; it’ll put hair on your chest.” And even though I was quite fond of onions, I remember looking down at the onion-filled soup I was eating, suddenly afraid to eat them because of the chest hair that would inevitably follow. 20 years later, I still think about it when I’ve got onions on my plate.

Another example: I was at a track meet in grade school and someone mentioned to me that a runner will lose 3 seconds every time he or she looks back while running. I don’t know if there are facts to back that up, but I still think about it every time I’m out for a run. Even if I’m running in a dream, that statistic will cross my mind and I will remember not to look back. It's burned into my mind.Don’t look back.
It’s so easy to look back, though, isn’t it? Sometimes during the workday, I find myself in an odd state. It's like I'm physically “frozen.” I’ve stopped working, I’ve essentially stopped moving, and though I’m staring at my computer screen, I’m thinking back over things I’ve done, people I’ve known, good days, bad days, and so on. Lately I have a nasty habit of thinking back over the past year and wondering what I could’ve done differently. Where could I have improved? Where did I do the right thing? Where did I really screw up? How could I have reacted differently to Scenario A? What would have been a better response to Jane Doe’s rude question?

It’s so tempting to look back when you should really be focusing your time and energy on what lies ahead. It’s likely that you’re working toward something, no matter how insignificant it may seem. You probably have a goal in mind, and you’re making progress toward it whether you realize it or not. Maybe you’re trying to pay off credit card debt. Maybe you’re trying to lose 20 pounds. Maybe (bless your heart) you’re trying to GAIN 20 pounds. Maybe you’re trying to finish a book, or maybe you’re just trying to finish the day. Maybe you’re trying to believe in something. Maybe you’re just trying to be happy.

Wherever your destination lies, make an earnest effort to maintain progress along the way. It does absolutely no good to dwell on the past; looking back does indeed slow you down. In my very humble opinion, nothing is just “coincidence.” As cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. Don’t let your “20/20” hindsight fool you. Hindsight is very sly. It will make you believe that your life today would be easier if you hadn’t taken Job X, or if you had never met Mr. Y. Every moment of every day has its purpose. It’s all part of a grand plan. Find joy in something pleasant each day and remove the word “doubt” from your vocabulary. Keep your eyes on the prize. Run like hell and never look back. And for goodness’ sake, eat your flippin' onions.

Lifeline

"It opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes,

and softens down the temper.  So cry away." -- Charles Dickens

Here's one of those "it's a small world" stories.  My pastor recommended that I contact a young lady he knows whose name is Emily.  He said we would probably have a lot in common and that he could see us being good friends.  As it turns out, Emily and I do have a lot in common.  We're the same age.  Neither of us is native to Kalamazoo.  We both grew up near Saginaw.  Funny, huh?  Not done yet.  Emily happens to live in an apartment directly across the parking lot from me.  Small world?  Yep.  It gets even smaller.  This past summer, there was a fire across the parking lot.  Thankfully, the fire was not in Emily's apartment, but she did have some damage as a result.  While they were fixing up her apartment, they set her up in the apartment DIRECTLY next to mine.  Yes, Emily and I lived directly next to each other for a few months this summer and had no idea.  And now we're friends!

During a recent conversation, Emily and I discussed how little we know about our neighbors.  I rarely see any of mine, and she hardly ever sees any of hers.  There's no real "community" feeling around here.  Doesn't really bother me.  I'm perfectly fine not knowing.

While Emily lived in my building, she had an apartment with a balcony that overlooked the parking lot.  She said it was very interesting to watch people come and go every so often (in a very non-creepy way, I promise).  She then mentioned that there were a few weeks in particular this summer when she had seen one young woman who was always crying - no matter whether she was coming or going, getting her mail or sitting out in her car, this young woman was crying. 

Emily did not know her.  She didn't know why she was crying.  But Emily felt awful for this young lady every time she saw her sadness.  She wasn't sure how to approach her, or whether it was even appropriate to do so.  Before long, Emily had made up her mind that she was not going to approach her directly, but was going to write her a card of encouragement and leave it on her windshield (she knew her vehicle because she had seen her crying in it multiple times).  So Emily got the card, wrote it out, and intended to leave it on this young lady's windshield the next time she saw it in the parking lot.  I'm sad to say that Emily never saw the woman again, and therefore was never able to give her the card.

When Emily told me this story, my heart broke for the anonymous woman.  I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by a situation, to feel terrified, alone, and helpless, and to have no outlet for your sadness aside from tears.  I feel terrible that this woman was my own neighbor and I never noticed that she was living in such misery.  Something in her life was clearly going very poorly, and from the sounds of it she was very alone.  Unfortunately for Miss Anonymous, Emily never got to tell her that she had noticed her sadness, that she was thinking of her and praying for her, and that things would eventually get better. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: we're often oblivious to the troubles of those around us... especially the ones who are silent in their struggles.  It seems obvious that we were created to pay attention to our surroundings.  Man was created with two eyes and two ears, but only one mouth.  So often, we spend too much time talking and not enough time looking/ listening to the world around us.  Keep your eyes and ears open for someone around you who may be going through a difficult time.  The next time someone like "Miss Anonymous" is living down the hall from me, I hope I'll be more apt to notice his/her struggle and offer some support, even if it seems small and insignificant.  As someone who knows what it's like to feel alone, scared, and hopeless, I know how great a small gesture of support can feel like, even when it's unsolicited.

You have two eyes and two ears.  Use them!  Pay close attention to your world and to those around you.  It's possible that someone you know (or even someone you don't know) could use some sympathy, encouragement, or even just a little support.  You never know... even the tiniest shred of encouragement could be the very lifeline someone desperately needs.