Unflatten Your World

I was ironing a shirt the other day, using a towel and my kitchen table in lieu of an ironing board.  And I thought, This is ridiculous.  Fact: In April of 1892, Sarah Boone had the same thought.  And she patented the ironing board.  Smart lady.  In 1988, Lonnie Johnson invented the Supersoaker (he was likely fed up with using a turkey baster).  Samuel Morse gave us the telegraph.  Whitcomb L. Judson invented the zipper (where would we be without the zipper?).  Alexander Graham Bell, Susan B. Anthony, Thomas Edison, MLK, Henry Ford... they all had the same idea: THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING BETTER.

Think back to all the great inventions and ideas throughout history.  Think of the revolutions (for the better), the changes in world views (i.e. the world isn't flat).  Nothing good in the history of the world has ever happened as a result of saying, "Things are fine the way they are."  Every single positive change throughout history has only come about because someone said, "This can't be all there is.  I/we deserve something better than this."  Sometimes these changes are a long time coming, and it's difficult to say exactly why it takes so long to initiate a very necessary change.

It's hard to look back at some of the situations I've been in, jobs/relationships/etc, and see now just how blind I was to the reality of what I was dealing with.  I look back at those situations and wonder why I didn't realize that I deserved something better, or that I was worth more.  Why are we so afraid sometimes to wake up and see our surroundings for what they really are? 

If you ever find yourself asking, "Do I deserve better than this?", chances are you probably do, otherwise you wouldn't even be asking the question in the first place.  It's a harsh truth to face, sometimes, when we realize that we're in an undesirable spot.  But I believe that every individual with an open mind and a good heart is destined to have a happy and peaceful life.  If you think there's something better for you out there, go for it.  Make a positive change in your life.  Sure, it will take a little bit of courage and a lot of faith, but it's worth it.  Unflatten your world and find that "something better."  You'll be happy you did :)

Don't Look Back

It’s funny how we remember certain things that people say. It could be days, weeks, years, or even decades later, but sometimes people say things you never forget. It can be good or bad (and unfortunately it’s hard to forget the bad things), but either way it’s likely that something someone once said will stick with you forever.

For example, when I was about 5 or 6, I was eating lunch with my sister and some cousins at my [very German] grandma’s house. Someone there didn’t like onions (I honestly don’t remember who), and my grandma told him that “you should eat your onions; it’ll put hair on your chest.” And even though I was quite fond of onions, I remember looking down at the onion-filled soup I was eating, suddenly afraid to eat them because of the chest hair that would inevitably follow. 20 years later, I still think about it when I’ve got onions on my plate.

Another example: I was at a track meet in grade school and someone mentioned to me that a runner will lose 3 seconds every time he or she looks back while running. I don’t know if there are facts to back that up, but I still think about it every time I’m out for a run. Even if I’m running in a dream, that statistic will cross my mind and I will remember not to look back. It's burned into my mind.Don’t look back.
It’s so easy to look back, though, isn’t it? Sometimes during the workday, I find myself in an odd state. It's like I'm physically “frozen.” I’ve stopped working, I’ve essentially stopped moving, and though I’m staring at my computer screen, I’m thinking back over things I’ve done, people I’ve known, good days, bad days, and so on. Lately I have a nasty habit of thinking back over the past year and wondering what I could’ve done differently. Where could I have improved? Where did I do the right thing? Where did I really screw up? How could I have reacted differently to Scenario A? What would have been a better response to Jane Doe’s rude question?

It’s so tempting to look back when you should really be focusing your time and energy on what lies ahead. It’s likely that you’re working toward something, no matter how insignificant it may seem. You probably have a goal in mind, and you’re making progress toward it whether you realize it or not. Maybe you’re trying to pay off credit card debt. Maybe you’re trying to lose 20 pounds. Maybe (bless your heart) you’re trying to GAIN 20 pounds. Maybe you’re trying to finish a book, or maybe you’re just trying to finish the day. Maybe you’re trying to believe in something. Maybe you’re just trying to be happy.

Wherever your destination lies, make an earnest effort to maintain progress along the way. It does absolutely no good to dwell on the past; looking back does indeed slow you down. In my very humble opinion, nothing is just “coincidence.” As cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. Don’t let your “20/20” hindsight fool you. Hindsight is very sly. It will make you believe that your life today would be easier if you hadn’t taken Job X, or if you had never met Mr. Y. Every moment of every day has its purpose. It’s all part of a grand plan. Find joy in something pleasant each day and remove the word “doubt” from your vocabulary. Keep your eyes on the prize. Run like hell and never look back. And for goodness’ sake, eat your flippin' onions.

Lifeline

"It opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes,

and softens down the temper.  So cry away." -- Charles Dickens

Here's one of those "it's a small world" stories.  My pastor recommended that I contact a young lady he knows whose name is Emily.  He said we would probably have a lot in common and that he could see us being good friends.  As it turns out, Emily and I do have a lot in common.  We're the same age.  Neither of us is native to Kalamazoo.  We both grew up near Saginaw.  Funny, huh?  Not done yet.  Emily happens to live in an apartment directly across the parking lot from me.  Small world?  Yep.  It gets even smaller.  This past summer, there was a fire across the parking lot.  Thankfully, the fire was not in Emily's apartment, but she did have some damage as a result.  While they were fixing up her apartment, they set her up in the apartment DIRECTLY next to mine.  Yes, Emily and I lived directly next to each other for a few months this summer and had no idea.  And now we're friends!

During a recent conversation, Emily and I discussed how little we know about our neighbors.  I rarely see any of mine, and she hardly ever sees any of hers.  There's no real "community" feeling around here.  Doesn't really bother me.  I'm perfectly fine not knowing.

While Emily lived in my building, she had an apartment with a balcony that overlooked the parking lot.  She said it was very interesting to watch people come and go every so often (in a very non-creepy way, I promise).  She then mentioned that there were a few weeks in particular this summer when she had seen one young woman who was always crying - no matter whether she was coming or going, getting her mail or sitting out in her car, this young woman was crying. 

Emily did not know her.  She didn't know why she was crying.  But Emily felt awful for this young lady every time she saw her sadness.  She wasn't sure how to approach her, or whether it was even appropriate to do so.  Before long, Emily had made up her mind that she was not going to approach her directly, but was going to write her a card of encouragement and leave it on her windshield (she knew her vehicle because she had seen her crying in it multiple times).  So Emily got the card, wrote it out, and intended to leave it on this young lady's windshield the next time she saw it in the parking lot.  I'm sad to say that Emily never saw the woman again, and therefore was never able to give her the card.

When Emily told me this story, my heart broke for the anonymous woman.  I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by a situation, to feel terrified, alone, and helpless, and to have no outlet for your sadness aside from tears.  I feel terrible that this woman was my own neighbor and I never noticed that she was living in such misery.  Something in her life was clearly going very poorly, and from the sounds of it she was very alone.  Unfortunately for Miss Anonymous, Emily never got to tell her that she had noticed her sadness, that she was thinking of her and praying for her, and that things would eventually get better. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: we're often oblivious to the troubles of those around us... especially the ones who are silent in their struggles.  It seems obvious that we were created to pay attention to our surroundings.  Man was created with two eyes and two ears, but only one mouth.  So often, we spend too much time talking and not enough time looking/ listening to the world around us.  Keep your eyes and ears open for someone around you who may be going through a difficult time.  The next time someone like "Miss Anonymous" is living down the hall from me, I hope I'll be more apt to notice his/her struggle and offer some support, even if it seems small and insignificant.  As someone who knows what it's like to feel alone, scared, and hopeless, I know how great a small gesture of support can feel like, even when it's unsolicited.

You have two eyes and two ears.  Use them!  Pay close attention to your world and to those around you.  It's possible that someone you know (or even someone you don't know) could use some sympathy, encouragement, or even just a little support.  You never know... even the tiniest shred of encouragement could be the very lifeline someone desperately needs.

A Day of Thanks

I spent Thanksgiving day with my family. Today my heart is very full. And though I really try to live each day with a gracious heart (and some days it's teeth-grindingly difficult), today I made sure to take special note of all the things that make my life so wonderful.

No, I didn't win the lottery this year. But I am able to pay my bills while living a moderately fabulous life. And no, I didn't meet the man of my dreams (dry humor... ha. ha. ha.), but I have an even more focused image of what Mr. Perfect will look like (or, perhaps more importantly, what he WON'T look like). And even though I spend most days grumbling about my totally whacked-up workplace, I do have a permanent full time job, and it came at an amazingly opportune time.

A lot has happened since last Thanksgiving... Some good, some bad, happy, sad, normal, strange, and downright ridiculous. It's certainly been a crazy ride, and some days I wasn't sure how my sanity was going to last until the next day. But I have the most amazing family and friends, and each special person in my life has helped to pull me through some especially difficult days. I made sure to be thankful for something every day, even if the only thing I could find to be thankful for was that the day was over.

Gratitude can totally change your outlook on life. It will pull you through less-than-perfect days and give you hope for a brighter tomorrow. Gratitude will help you truly appreciate what you have. It will help you distinguish your "wants" from your "needs." It will keep your feet on the ground and keep you humble. Gratitude is absolutely vital for living a simple, happy life. Be happy and give thanks for the really wonderful things in your life, the things you know you can't live without.

I'm very thankful today. Thankful for what I had, thankful for what I currently have, and thankful for what I will have. Thankful for peace, for family and friends, and thankful for hope and faith. Without these things, where would I be?

And as always, I'm thankful for each of you. If you're reading this, chances are you hold a special place in my heart. Here's to a happy Thanksgiving for you and yours :)

Just Be

Ah, to be human.  Being human means knowing ups and downs.  It means experiencing those "bad spells."  You know the ones.  When nothing seems to be going your way.

Maybe you've made a mistake in the past that you're trying to learn to live with, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.  Maybe you harbor some anger against someone who's wronged you, and those angry feelings seem to be totally consuming you.  Maybe you show up to work every day, smiling and polite, and the only thing your coworkers have bothered to ask you is whether you're on welfare.  Maybe you were turned down for your dream job because of some ridiculous red tape.  Maybe you're just plain unhappy with life in general.

Most of us have experienced mornings when it seems like it takes every milligram of energy we have to get out of bed and face the thankless cycle of the day ahead of us.  It seems pointless to have days like these.  O great universe, how does that contribute to a positive world?  So often, you'll meet those clowns who tell you that the only way to enjoy the good in life is to experience the bad in life.  And it's easy to think that they're only telling you that because THEY'RE enjoying one of the coveted "good spells."

And what if they're right?  What if the only reason we're able to distinguish the good times from the bad is because we've seen both?  So if we find ourselves caught in a bad spell, what's the next step?

We're conditioned to be strong in whatever we do.  We're wired to be brave and courageous, and to exhibit that strength, bravery, and courage by stepping up and making a necessary change.  "You control your destiny!" "Be the change you wish to see!" (blah blah blah...)

What if that "bold move" isn't our only option?  Some things are totally and completely beyond our control.  Sometimes making a change isn't possible.  Sure, there are people who have risen from whatever dire situation they were in and made a better life for themselves, and we glorify them.  We see those people as heroes.  We want to be just like them. 

What about the silent heroes?  Sometimes the best choice is just to persevere, to be patient and wait for the right opportunity to jump back into the "good life."  For whatever reason, maybe now is not the right time to be changing your life.  Look at those around you.  Look at the challenges each one faces.  Look for that silent, patient warrior, the one who seems to be using perseverance as their only means of coping.  It's possible that those silent warriors are fighting just as tough a battle as the outwardly courageous ones.  It's just a little harder to spot.

Sometimes patience is indeed the highest virtue.  Maybe we don't find the most intense strength in actively changing our lives, but in waiting for the right time to make the change.  Maybe in order to be strong and brave, you just have to BE.

May Peace Abound

I came across an email the other day that asked, "What if you woke up tomorrow and all you had were the things you thanked God for today?"  Can you imagine?  What would you wake up with tomorrow?  Sure, sometimes we get busy and forget to stop and express our gratitude for all the good things in our lives.  Does it really have to be that hard?

Lately, I can't seem to fall asleep (or stay asleep, for that matter).  I turn my fan on (white noise) before going to bed, I open my window... I even slapped a featherbed on my mattress.  Nothing seems to help.  I know they say to count sheep, but come on-- who actually does that?  I tried it once--ONCE-- and I felt ridiculous. 

So I tried something else.  I started to list the things I'm thankful for.  It's really seemed to make a difference.  Especially the last few weeks.  There are actually days where I feel (very wrongly, might I add) like I don't have much to be thankful for. 

It's so easy to throw yourself a pity-party, isn't it?  Perhaps you're unhappy with your job or love life.  Perhaps you come home every day to another bill in the mail.  Maybe you got a run in your nylons 10 minutes after arriving to work.  Maybe your dog or child JUST WON'T CALM DOWN.  It's easy to become overwhelmed by little things like these. They can pile up and before you know it, these burdens become all you can think about.  You lose sleep, you lose your days and nights, and you begin to lose yourself. 

So I've started praying and listing all the things I'm thankful for every night as I lay in bed, waiting for the sweet refuge of sleep to take over.  I thank God every night for the very important things in my life... the things that I know I couldn't live without tomorrow.  I also ask for peace.  In our unpredictable world, it seems impossible to just "go with the flow" in every circumstance.  Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that make it hard to be thankful, to just grin and bear it.  Pray for peace.  It will help, I promise.  When you find yourself in a poor situation that's beyond your control, ask for peace.  For uncertainty about the future, ask for peace.  If you're drowning in resentment toward someone who's wronged you, ask for peace. 
When all else fails, nothing seems to be going your way, and any rest seems impossible: count your blessings, be thankful for what you have, and ask for peace.  You'll notice a difference when you wake up.

Every Day is Wednesday

dé·jà vu: Noun.

1.A feeling of having already experienced the present situation. 

2.Tedious familiarity.

Straighten your hair (what little you have).  Someone on the TV says “It’s 14 past the hour.”  You only have a few minutes.  Finish your hair, apply your make-up.  Spray your hair.  You're set to go.  Run to the kitchen, grab the fixings for your lunch: veggies, hummus, pita, apple, banana, granola bar, protein drink.  Stuff it all into your pink lunchbag.  Glance at your other lunch bag, the comical black one with a graphic of a smiling sandwich that says “om nom nom.”  No, you don't feel like using that one.  Not anymore.  Not at this job.  Not where you eat in the park everyday surrounded by homeless people sleeping on the ground.  Unplug your phone from its charger, grab your purse, slip your shoes on.  Grab your keys from the table by the door.  Unlock the door.  Turn around, head to the bathroom, unplug your hair straightener.  Run back to the door.  Hit the light switch, exit the apartment.  Fumble for your keys, run back inside, hit the lightswitch, grab your awful pink lunchbag.  Hit the lightswitch again, exit the apartment again.  Door 1, door 2, door 3. 

The woman from the next building over is leaving for work too.  Just like yesterday, just like the day before.  It’s gray and cloudy.  Darker every morning.  Head out to your car, turn the key.  Back out and drive slowly past the Indian family climbing into the van parked in front of the next building over.  Drive past Mr. Speedwalker – the man who looks to weigh 100 lbs and still goes for AT LEAST 2 BRISK WALKS PER DAY (from what you've seen, anyway).  Drive past a bus that’s stopped at the tracks.  Right lane.  Left lane.  Avoid the pothole - switch lanes.

Turn.  Continue.  Switch lanes.  Stop.  Look at the planes.  Go.  Remember the name Duncan.  Stop. Go. Stop. Go.  Continue.  Listen to the man coming through the speakers of the Starship.  He says something about the uselessness of the Num Lock key on the keyboard.  Shake your head.  Continue driving.

Heading downtown - you can see the lights.  The man with the white cane and backpack is outside the Family Dollar, talking to himself again.  Just like yesterday, just like the day before.  Will he still be there in a month?  Keep driving.  Stop.  Smell the bread.  Go.  Smell the bread.  Smile to yourself.  Remember Tijuana.  Go.  Go. Stop. Right lane.  Left lane.  Right lane.  Maneuver through the city's latest practical joke - the obstacle course that has taken over the final stretch of your commute.  Stop.  Go.  Right lane.  Left lane.  Stop.  Turn.  Stop.  Wait.  Look at the mural on the building ahead of you - " 'To be simple is to be great.' -- Ralph Waldo Emerson."  Your daily mantra.  It's good to keep things simple.  Remember the name Emerson.

Turn.  Feel your heart sink just a little, as always, as you near your final destination.  Stop, go.  Rumble strip.  Rumble strip.  Rumble strip.  Turn, search for the spot closest to the door.  Park, shut the lights off.  Ignition off.  Grab your purse, look at the building.  Sigh.  Think about whether you really want to do this.  Sigh.  D-r-a-g yourself out of the vehicle.  Shut the door.  Check once more to make sure the lights are off.  Look at the building and hesitate.  Sigh.  Walk.  Open the door, punch in your six digits.  Scan your hand.  Wait for the buzz.  Open this door.  Turn and open the next door.

You can actually FEEL the temperature drop as you walk in.  Hang up your coat.  Shiver.  Walk through the silent room - say "Good morning," like a good girl.  You might as well be talking to an empty room, since no one turns around.  Sit down at what looks like a vacant desk and hide your purse in the overhead cabinet.  Move your mouse, pull your stapler out of hibernation, pull a pen out of the sterile desk drawer.  Type in your password, look around.  Open the drawer to look at the calendar.  It's Wednesday.  Yesterday was Tuesday and tomorrow will be Thursday.  And yet, every day is Wednesday.